The Southern Gentleman

One of the biggest obstacles for me is of course dating,and not that I have trouble meeting guys or getting dates, but southern girls are serious competition. They are usually the perfect package of pretty, polite, and wife-made ready. Don't get me wrong I love who I am, faults and all, but I'm not your typical southern girl. Since I spent a stint in Colorado, I am even less so now. However, every once in a while a good guy comes along and reinforces my belief in the true southern gentleman.

A couple of weeks ago I met a super cute guy (so cute I usually write guys like him off because I assume they would be shallow) who just moved to Atlanta from North Carolina with a friend. We were having a good time and his friends seemed nice, except one. Enter drunk jealous girl. The guys did not know her, but she was friends with one of the girls in their group that night. Obviously wanting my guy for herself she kept looking at me and whispering in his ear. I asked him what her problem was because it just was unnecessary and made me feel uncomfortable. He apologized and said she was really drunk, and the girl was telling him that I was wearing a wig as she was hugging all over him. I told him that I was wearing a wig for medical reasons (thank you liquid courage) and basically that the girl was rude and if he wanted to leave he could. I expected him to get all weird and make an excuse, but he surprised me by immediately saying he didn't care and that girl was being mean and he didn't like people who are so judgemental. Even his friends stuck up for me saying they thought I was cool and the girl was making a fool of herself. After we exchanged numbers and we parted ways, he later told me that the girl said something mean about me again and her friend that was with them said she had enough and stuck up for me, even though she only met me for 15 min. It is nice that there are some decent people, even with one bad apple. I know the girl was acting out of jealousy and alcohol, but you never know what it is like for someone else, so it is a learning lesson of don't judge a book by its cover. I've even hung out with the guy since. Cheers to the southern gentleman!

Tutorials

I was looking up "How To" videos for false eyelashes, and I came across this beautiful woman who shows you how to do eyelashes, draw on eyebrows, and wear a headscarf.

Headscarf:



Eyebrows:



Eyelashes:

Eyelashes

So, as I watch my hair still fall out at least I have a wig I know how to easily put on, but with my eyelashes I'm clueless. I've lost my eyelashes before, but not the last few cycles. I always get ambitious and think this time around I will figure out how to put on fake eyelashes. However, I fail every. single. time. I get frustrated because they look awkward and unnatural, hence fake, but which is better...having fake eyelashes or none at all? Either way I feel out of my comfort zone. I've tried every which way to figure out how to put these things on and I just can't seem to connect them with my eyelid flawlessly. Anyone out there have pointers on the best way, because now I have a set and glue I paid for and would like to use??????

True Life's Rebecca Richardson

I recently re-watched a True Life follow up episode where MTV re-visits past True Life members. Rebecca Richardson was one of them and gained fame on the original episode of "I'm Losing My Hair." Rebecca started losing her hair to alopecia areata at 19 through her college years and bravely shared her story with the nation. I contacted Rebecca, and she graciously agreed to do a mini interview for my blog. Normally, I would interweave quotes through out a post, but Rebecca had so many positive things to say about her experience with alopecia, so I wanted to share her full answers. Considering I have battled with the self-consiousness of dealing with alopecia all of my life, it is refreshing to hear encouraging words from someone who has only had it for 3 years. Thanks Rebecca for being so honest and open. Hope you guys enjoy!!

1. What other methods besides Cortisone shots have you tried to grow your hair back?

A: I've tried pretty much everything! Besides Cortisone, I attempted to grow hair back with: acupuncture, prednisone (or steroids), diet changes, Rogaine, and the "poison ivy" treatment....if it is out there, I've probably tried it.

2. Where are you at currently with your hair loss?

A: It has been a roller coaster of a journey for me since I got alopecia 3 years ago. About a year ago I became universalis, and now I have started growing back some random body hair, but still nothing on my head.

3. When it comes to dating, how long do you wait to tell the guy that you have alopecia? What are the reactions you have received when they do find out?

A: (It is funny you ask this, I was just talking about it with a close friend of mine) For me, my relationships have been with people who either knew me while I was loosing my hair, or were close enough to my friends that they were familiar with me having alopecia. I got the easy way out. My boyfriends knew I had it before we even starting dating or becoming serious. In my opinion, there is no "text book" way of knowing when or how to tell someone, or show someone. However, I'd say a good measure would be 90 days. In dating, 3 months should be a quality amount of time to learn about someone, figure out who they really are. Really though, telling a boyfriend or girlfriend about your alopecia should come whenever you are ready, when you see the relationship becoming more serious. The honest truth is that there are a lot of people out there who will never be willing to accept you and your alopecia. It is foreign for a lot of people, and their ignorance becomes a place of insecurity. On the other hand, there are so many special people out there who will take you in your best and worst form. I have lost friends to losing my hair, and lost boyfriends because they couldn't handle to emotional aspects of alopecia. In the end, whether or not you had alopecia, the people who aren't right for you will always find something wrong. And those are the ones who do not deserve you anyway. The keepers will stick around through thick and thin, and are willing to see you as beautiful in any way, shape, or form. For the most part, when I have told boyfriends out loud that I have alopecia, they have been really accepting. The reaction has been to either hug me or hold me, because they knew I was sharing a part of myself that was hidden and really impacting for my life.They have felt special in that I was willing to open up to them. I have also seen friends who have opened up to their boyfriends and their reaction had been kind at first, but then broke up with them a few days later. In general, I think most people are very considerate of touchy issues, and will be respectful to your face. Usually people express their fear or dislike behind your back, and while I do not think that is any better, it is knowledge that might make it easier to share your alopecia in your relationships.

4. I am thinking about moving to California, which is where you are at if I am correct? Being in a state that can be appearance obsessed, I admire your ability to go without a wig on the show when you only had some of your hair growing back, and you also mentioned you wouldn't put your wig back on after the show wrapped. Is this still true today?How do you hide it or are you pretty open?

A: California is great! :) Everywhere has places that people are obsessed with their appearance. In California, people do think highly of their outer appearance, but they also like standing out and being different. In this sense, it is easier to go out with no wig on because people may stare, but it is probably because they are enjoying your individuality and embracing your different appearance. After the show finished, for a while, I was totally okay with going out without a wig on. I was like, "who cares, if you don't like me, don't look." But when it came time for a job interview, or meeting people, or going on a date, I found myself starting to wear wigs again. I think for me, I did not want the first impression to be one of pity or confusion. I wanted people to be willing to talk to me and get to know me without the overhanging cloud of, "should I feel sorry for her," "I wonder what's wrong," or "I cant stop staring at her head." So, I started wearing wigs again. I don't so much hide my alopecia as much as I am really embracing it. Having alopecia gives me an opportunity to look and be exactly what I want to be. I can change my appearance and not feel weird about it. It's like those of us with alopecia were given this blank palette to do what we please with. And when people ask if I am wearing a wig, or if my eyelashes are fake, I tell them "yes" and then tell them about alopecia. I have mastered the eyelashes and wigs, so for me it is easy to hide. But I don't like to think of it as hiding, but as another shade of who I am.

5. What have you learned from the time you were on True Life?

A: I think the biggest lesson I learned from True Life is that it was a lot easier for me to conquer those things in life that I was afraid of, when I had the pressure of people and cameras. :) I'm not saying that throwing your self in front of a camera will help everyone overcome their struggle with alopecia, but I think pushing your personal boundaries and putting yourself in unique and unfamiliar circumstances, makes it much easier to realize how alopecia is really small in the grand scheme of diseases and medical conditions, and life. While there are still moments that I cry over my alopecia, or wish that I could have my hair back, for the most part, I try to remind myself that, 1)we are special individuals, 2)I am healthy and alive, and 3) the strength, knowledge and selflessness that I have learned from having alopecia will outweigh having my hair back, any day.



I've included her original episode link, which was taken from the Alopecia World website.

http://www.alopeciaworld.com/video/mtvs-true-life-full-episode%20


This is the link for follow up episode of Rebecca's journey from MTV.com.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/true-life-true-life-favorites-where-are-they-now/1655488/playlist.jhtml#series=2211&seriesId=5232&channelId=1

You will have to cut and paste in a new browser to watch videos. Sorry for the inconvenience!

Coping Through The Web

I wanted to post some links that I came across concerning alopecia, and specifically how women deal with the battle.

http://www.womenshairlossproject.com/resources/
This website has a network of women who share their stories. The site allows connection to others dealing with alopecia and can act as an online support group. I also like that it offers media publications that have covered Alopecia, such as nineteen-year-old Rebecca's True Life episode documenting her issues with going through her first cycle.

Also, check out another blogger Angela's blog http://www.alopecianmuse.com/.
She covers a little bit of everything. The blog is not about alopecia per say, but a woman with alopecia writing about her life.

http://www.americanhairloss.org/women_hair_loss/
This site talks about the medical aspects of hair loss.

Hope this helps!

Taking risks

I hardly ever get a mani/pedi because it takes a good chunk of time, I always mess it up, the manicure usually chips within 3 days, and it costs $$$. Well, my lovely friend came to visit our hometown and suggested we get our nails done since her mom owns a nail salon. I'm usually pretty tame when it comes to painting my nails. I keep a solid color and sometimes switch it up by having one color for the hands and one color for the feet. I always look at the different nail colors for the seasons or new ways to do them, like texturizing with lace to create a crackling effect, but I never experiment myself. My friend Vivian decided to switch things up a bit. She painted her toenails with a hot red and one toe opaque white. My nail lady suggested I do the same after I had already decided to paint all my little piggies a seafoam blue. I decided to take a small risk and paint one toe with the same red Vivian used. Then, it came to decide the colors of my fingernails and I decided the red was a good complement. The nail lady suggested I paint one blue to match my toes. My answer: No. Here I am considering myself a risk taker, and I can't paint a nail blue. I work from home, it's summer, I never treat myself to a mani/pedi...I mean I seriously sat there for 10 minutes contemplating if I should paint my index finger blue. I have gone to CO without friends and made a living out there. I conquered (well somewhat) snowboarding, yet I couldn't take a stupid risk of having multicolored nails. Finally, I decided to take my small risk and my fingers and toes complement themselves in a fun way, not a scary way. No matter how big or small the risk is...changing your vanilla latte to a hazelnut latte or taking a job in a new city, I invite you to live life and take it! My nail risk might not have dire consequences or opportunities (though I did get offered a job that night--could have been my awesome nails!) , but if I took the safe route every time I wouldn't know the joy of not knowing where life really wants to take me.

When meeting a guy...

I'm going to share an intimate moment with my readers because I feel that when it comes to single people with alopecia, the thoughts of what the opposite sex thinks of our condition is a main issue for dating. Last weekend, I went to the Hang Out Fest in Gulf Shores, AL, which is a very sandy, beachy afair. My first night, I met a very attractive guy who I frankly thought was out of my league. Now hear me out, I know I should have all the confidence in the world and people will tell me I am beautiful no matter what and I am not lacking in male attention, but I do have my insecure moments. As the night wore on he kept playfully touching my head, and as a reaction I would pull away and after awhile, I either look like I'm high maintenance (very unlikely considering our surroundings of a music festival for 3 days) or I am hiding something. He asked if my hair was fake, and I said no in defense. I sometimes can handle these situations with finesse and say "yes and this is why and if you don't like it, leave," but this guy was really cute with an amazing body and I deverted into my turtle shell somewhat. I told him I wore wigs and because of alopecia and admitted I was self-concious about it. Some guys will clam up, which makes it awkward for me or ask questions, but I felt like he handled it well in just still acting interested in me and still wanting to kiss me later. Of course that is what we all want isn't it? While we were kissing later (in our own seclusion) he said he wanted me to take the wig off. My response? You can if you want, but I look weird. Basically priming him for "Hey I'm this freak with missing patches of hair without my wig, so here ya go and let's still lock lips." However, I took it off and he felt my hair and had nothing to say, but to keep kissing me and hold me. In fact, he told me I should have more confidence in myself.

This post my be a little detailed and confusing for some, but I wanted to walk through my emotions with my readers about how I felt I was treated when faced with a "wig situation" and a new guy. It comes to the point where do you tell them or don't you? How long do you wait to tell someone? Does a fleeting make out session warrant the truth? Whatever the answer is, and I've been in every possible scenario, don't beat yourself up for the hand you have been dealt and stand strong. He could have been an asshole and said nevermind, but that is like some guy not liking you because you are Jewish or have six fingers (which Anne Boleyn supposedly did and she seduced a king). I can't say the next time I won't flinch away or experience that sense of dread of telling my alopecia story to another guy, but it is nice to know that some guys out there really don't care about your hair :).