New York, New York

It seems the small island of Manhattan with its big attitude has been sneaking it's way into my thoughts lately. When people visit they usually hate it or love it; a lot of them feeling an electrifying energy zooming through it's tall buildings and having the need to be part of her crazy world. I have been to NYC several times, and each time I find it more and more charming. Once upon a time not too long ago I thought I would move there and complete my dream of becoming a budding journalist for Hearst Corporation or Conde Naste, so I spent my senior year of Spring Break visiting my aspiring actress best friend to make connections and get a better feel for what my life could be like. However, after spending $50 one night on drinks alone on only myself and no connections to come home with, I resolved that I did not belong in the Big Apple.Instead I moved to a more decently priced and smaller city: Denver. No, I did not find my passionate writing gig there either. It actually took to moving back home to rev up my writing juices again and revisit my need to create thoughts and sentences that no one else has. While I'm on my journey of a career change to break into the creative fields of social media and marketing I am reading a lot about women who take chances and start out with no knowledge or money, but move away from blue-collar suburbia and after heartbreak, rejection, homelessness, starvation, and a reality check do they come out on top and now are writing memoirs about the lessons they learned. Patti Smith's Just Like Kids is a story about her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe and how they helped each other realize their potential of music, photography, and artistry. Scene: New York City. I am in the middle of Kelly Cutrone's biting go-get-em book If You Have To Cry Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Taught You that has short life lessons on how to make it in the real world. Basically show no fear and a "Fake it til you make it" attitude. Scene: New York City. It seems New York City is the place to overcome all odds because everyone is fighting to survive there. Perhaps they should do a season of Survivor: Manhattan because a lot of times you have to find your own way until you can form trusting alliances. I see it first hand with my best friends who live up there...one in investment banking working 60 or more hours a week trying to remind herself the money is worth it, my aspiring actress now turned aspiring social media analyst jumping through hoops to prove she is qualified to post Facebook statuses (I'm talking multiple interviews for an entry-level, essays, and an annual marketing report just for the interview), and another who finished her Masters at NYU and went on to write and head her own project for an online publication. I am proud of my ladies because they are doing the fighting trying to survive and a lot of the time my fear and quickly dwindling bank account has kept me from fighting like they do. I had a dream the other night that my boyfriend got a job in NYC and I was going to move with him to find my own perfect job there (He would never move there just because of the property taxes alone, but he also has never been so who knows if it may captivate him). Now I don't think that these are all signs pointing to move to NYC, although my friends would love that, but it's the idea that I needed a good firecracker lit under my butt to go after my dreams and fight for what I want to do and prove that I can do it because no one is going to do it for me. Big things are in store for me I hope.

It's A New Year and New Life

It was about this time last year that I started to re-evaluate my life again. In Colorado, I felt like a lost soul who wasn't getting anywhere. It's funny because I feel a kinship to Colorado because I lived there and yes, there were some great parts about it. The summers were so much fun...the weather hot but not muggy, a short bus ride/walk to the Coors Field for a ball game, and then just across the street one of my favorite bars for afterwards, patio brunches with endless Mimosas... Yet, whenever anyone says how could you leave Colorado and come back to Atlanta, or how much they love it there, I cringe. I feel a connection to that place because I spent 2 1/2 years there, but I do not love it. I did not feel like I belonged. In Atlanta, I'm comfortable here. Although I will tell you that I learned the streets of Denver better than I know the streets here. Smaller city, walkable, and less confusing. Plus, I lived right downtown, which is where I would like to make my home in Atlanta. However, coming home felt needed for a temporary fix, but I was not excited about it. I originally left GA angry and sad trying to find my place in the world and anywhere but here. The first 4-6 months after I returned to the South I still felt the itch to get out as soon as possible. I wanted to move to Cali and figure things out there. Learn how to surf and create with tons of sunny days to keep me going. California is still tempting of a place to go, and I still feel that itch to one day go traveling and do something new. However, it is less so. I like my internship with a respectable broadcasting company. I work with a radio station that I listened to growing up, and they allow me to be flexible and go after what I really want to do, which is music journalism. I get to meet legends, upcoming bands, and get to create into words and pictures my experiences of what I feel through music and concerts. I still have a long ways to go when it comes to my writing, but I realized that having a creative career is where I'm meant to be. This was my first root I made in GA since moving back. I formed new friendships with those from high school and connected with some old friends. However, I still felt lonely a lot of times because everyone was a couple. I had my guy friends who were fun and ridiculous, but I needed girlfriends. I missed my really good friends who are scattered all over the country and are out living their lives and reaching their goals. The girlfriends I had here were getting married, settling down, having babies, and I couldn't relate. I loved them, but there was no one who was going to keep me here. I dated and there were some potentials, but no one who wowed me or would ever keep me in GA. When the time came I was out to Cali regardless of who I was with at the time. In fact, I dreaded meeting someone worthwhile because they would keep me here, where I would be stuck. I didn't think I would ever change my thinking on matters like that. Then in December, I became a couple. I transformed into something I envied from afar because I didn't think I deserved it or was ready for it. However, sometimes you just don't have a choice in your fate and what you think you need or want isn't what you need and want at all. One thing you need to know about me, I don't fall in love easily. In fact, I keep walls up for as long as I can because I never want to be the fool, or let someone know how much they have hurt me, or made me feel worthless. I just move on and chalk it up to my independent nature. J changed all that. He somewhat domesticated me, and I know he hates when I say that because he thinks I hate the idea of it, but I don't anymore. Now that I'm on the other side of the fence. I still have a sense of adventure and the need to travel and wanting the whole world, but so does he and that is why we match so well together. He is more responsible than I am, so he keeps me grounded and makes me stop and enjoy the present instead of living in the past or impatiently waiting for a better future. He was my second root I put down in Atlanta. I had started to rethink moving before I met him, but he made the idea stick. I can see me making a life here with him and then us moving on to Ireland. I never thought I would want to bring someone with me to share that dream to move there, but I can't imagine going without him. Now, we have couple dates and I don't feel like the odd woman out or that my friends are looking at me with pity that I haven't met the right person yet and am just wasting my life away on losers because I chose to avoid falling in love. I was happy before him, but restless. I don't feel as restless now and I'm happier with him than when I was alone. Don't get me wrong,I still am realistic and am not rushing into marriage anytime soon. I can see us down that path eventually, but I'm not your typical southern girl and I know that is not the right decision this soon or the right time in my life, nor is it his. Now, I'm working on finding a full time position in a creative field and putting down another root. These past couple weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions with the job situation, and I am so thankful to have J calm my fears and hold my hand when I'm down. I would def. be worse off emotionally without him during this time. This independent woman lets him actually take care of her. Yes, I am changing, but it's not as scary as I thought it would be ;). Hopefully, I will get the job I am meant to get right now and then I will feel like I am almost there where everything has fallen into place and I am the happiest I've ever been. If only time wasn't working against us all, but we are where we are meant to be at this very moment.

I completely meant to keep this short and sweet with update bullets on my life, but like usual when I get going the words spill out onto the virtual page and I have a lot more to say than I thought. I guess it makes up for my long pauses in between posts.

On other alopecia news...This past week I've actually noticed little baby hairs starting to grow. I found one patch, and then another showed up. You can't really see anything, but I can feel it. Unfortunately, the new vacuum wig requires me to have a shaved head. I am excited though! My aunt and dad graciously split the cost because they are not cheap. However, they last 2-3 years with the right maintenance and equals out to buying 2 reg. wigs a year, or getting my hair done 6 times a year, ya know if I had any :). I get it styled this Monday, also expensive....thanks, Mom! It will be great when on day health insurance will pay for wigs! I recently hung out with Young the Giant for a meet-n-greet for the fans (I was the photographer) and bass player Payam Doostzadeh said he was going to cut his hair for Locks of Love. I commended him for his decision, and I hope he will follow through with the idea so a child can be lucky enough to have a wig that makes them happy and comfortable. Well, I think I have written myself out, but feels good to think about my life right now and share my hopes, my fears, and give thanks to those in my life who have made it easier to deal with Alopecia. Until next time, readers!

Olivia Rusk

Check out Olivia Rusk on The Today Show, as she talks about her life with Alopecia and her new book, Just Your Average Teenager, Who Happens To Be Bald.

http://www.alopeciaworld.com/video/video/show?id=2022678:Video:901316&xgs=1&xg_source=msg_share_video

HappyThankYouMorePlease

I recently watched the Indie film HappyThankYouMorePlease. It's quirky cute story about 3-4 people's lives and how they change their way of thinking by taking a chance on the possibilities of life. Annie, played by Malin Akerman (Couples Retreat)is woman with Alopecia. She wears scarves and has an eclectic wardrobe and infectious attitude regarding her condition. She actually throws an Alopecia Awareness party for her friends. She doesn't let her condition define her and in fact, the movie doesn't even talk about any insecurities she has with it. Instead it focuses on her love life and how she must give someone who is not her ideal physical type a chance to make her happy. Check out the trailer!

Life and Media Update

Life:

Ok, so since I've last posted I have started losing my right eyelashes now. It is pretty disappointing, but I've been lucky to recently have found someone very special who loves me unconditionally and actually likes me better without my wig or makeup. He tells me I'm beautiful several times a day and really makes me feel that way. I still rather have my eyelashes of course, but he makes it seem like it's not so important that I won't have them.

The BF.

Honestly, I think the reason why I have lost so much hair in a short period of time is because my thyroid is now hyper active. It's usually hypo active, but after so many years it decided to switch on me. Now that my meds have changed perhaps my hair will start to grow back and what not.

Media Update:

Many people are trying to get over a 1,000 signatures to approve for a Cancer Barbie doll. The doll would be bald and help teach young girls that not having hair does not make them worthless or not pretty. That barbie also supports those struggling with alopecia and trichotillomania.

Read full stories here and here.

A co-worker showed me an article in the Life section of USA Today about a 14-year-old girl who wrote a book about having alopecia and the bullying that comes from it. She wants to inspire others and educate those who don't understand the disease.

Read full article here.

Vacuum Wig

So, I know I've been MIA for a bit, but my music blog and 2 jobs keep me busy! Good news I always come back :).

I got fitted for my vacuum wig a couple of weeks ago, and I can't wait to get it in....in April. It takes a while because the hair is European and is processed in New Zealand. I will have to get it styled, and it makes me miss my wonderful Laura back in Denver who styled my wigs there. Anyone else have a vacuum wig? What do you think of it?

The lady who I'm doing the process through told me the way I draw my eyebrows are the best she's ever seen, which made me happy :). I'm actually thinking about going back to the idea of tattooing them on. When I first did a consultation back in high school the idea scared me and I had never drawn on my eyebrows before, but I think I have come to the terms that they'll never come back and I'm used to my face with the drawn on ones. It would be nice to not have to worry about them rubbing off or doing them every day though! Any one have tattooed eyebrows?

New York Times Article

I rediscovered this article in a facebook message sent to me last summer. Wanted to share it with everyone! It is a look at people with alopeica and their personal experiences called "The Voices of Alopecia" in the New York Times' Health section.

Here is the link: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/06/the-voices-of-alopecia/?partner=rss&emc=rss